The Day My Butt Went PsychoHome
The Day My Butt Went Psycho


 



Zack looked out the window.
Although they'd been stationary for only a few minutes the butt-mobile was completely surrounded-as far as they could see-by zombies and zombie butts. "I sure hope this works," said Eleanor.
"Me too," said Zack's butt gulping, as it prepared to leave the butt-mobile.
Gran saluted Zack's butt. "It's a brace thing you're doing, soldier!" she said.
Zack shook his butt's hand. "Good luck," he said. "May your butt be with you."
"I am a butt, you idiot," said Zack's butt, climbing the hatch ladder.
"Don't forget that it's northeast!" called out the Forker. "Not southwest."
"No worries!" said Zack's butt. "Not southwest…it's northeast!" It pointed to the southwest again.
"NO!" yelled the Forker. "It's-"
"Just kidding," said Zack's butt and it disappeared out of the hatch.
Zack watched nervously through the windshield as his butt climbed out onto the nose of the butt-mobile.
The zombies and zombie butts surged in closer.
Zack's butt started to do the moves the Forker had taught it.
It wriggled.
It pointed.
It shook its right arm twice.
The zombies and the zombie butts watched it closely, without moving, while Zack's butt did the moves over and over and over again.
And then they attacked.
Zombie butts flew through the air, knocking Zack's butt over. It grabbed onto the side of the butt-mobile and held on tightly as the zombies tried to pull it into the crowd.
"I should have known this would happen!" screamed Eleanor, desperately trying to power up the butt-mobile.
"I can't understand it," said the Forker. "He did it exactly like I taught him…"
Zack looked at his butt. All the color had drained from it. It was terrified.
"I have to go and save my butt!" yelled Zack.
"Have you got methane madness?" said Eleanor. "You'll be zombie-buttified for sure!"
Zack stopped. How was he going to save his butt?
He hadn't learned the dance. And it didn't work anyway. And even if he had learned it-which it didn't-he couldn't dance. Except for the hokeypokey, of course…
But that was it!
The Blind Butt-feeler had told him to do the hokeypokey, and that he would know when to do it. And if there was any time to do the hokeypokey, it was right now.
"I'm going to do the hokeypokey!" said Zack.
"You definitely have got methane madness," said Eleanor.
But Zack was already halfway out of the butt-mobile.
Outside the air was rancid with zombie butt stench. It was almost as bad as the black smoke. Zack could hardly breathe.
"Zack," called his butt. "Help me!"
"Okay!" he said to his butt. "But you have to do exactly what I tell you to!"
"You're the boss," said his shaking butt.
"Put your left foot in," said Zack, putting his left foor in.
His butt followed.
"Now put your left foot out," said Zack putting his left foot out.
Zack watched as his butt copied. He also noticed that quite a few of the zombies were copying as well.
"Now put your left foot in and shake it all about," said Zack.
But then his butt stopped. "What's that all about?" it said.
"Just look out there," said Zack, "and you'll see!"
Zack and his butt looked and to their amazement, they saw that every single zombie butt had abandoned its human host and was doing the hokeypokey. The dance had a strange hypnotic power over them.
"See?" said Zack, "that's what it's all about!" and he clapped his hands twice.
"Oh!" said his butt, clapping its hands as well. "I get it!"
"Let's go!" cried Zack jumping down onto the ground and hokepokeying his way through the crowd in the direction of the Maggotorium.
He looked behind him and to his great relief saw that, along with his own butt, the entire hokeypokeying zombie-butt population of Mabeltown was following him.